Over the Mountain

I have had more friend troubles than anyone I know.

Now I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy, at all. But by the Lord's grace he has helped me.

I was down in the valley a long time, but the Lord helped me up the mountain.

I will not tell you all of my troubles, for that would take much too long. For now I will just give you a few examples.

 

I had these two friends a few years ago, they were sisters. Me and my sister would hang out with them all the time, we went to our co-op with them, we texted them, we just overall loved being with them.

 

Then, things went cold. I talked to them still, but they seemed to be blocking me out. Soon after we totally didn't talk. I didn't know what I did wrong, and I still don't. Perhaps I did nothing wrong, and they just got tired of me. I may never know.

 

But I am okay with that, because I know that God is my ultimate best friend ever. Since that time with those two girls I have had many friendships that didn't last for some reason or another. But none quite as bad as that.

 

For about a year and a half I had "friends" but not close friends. I had the people I talked with during certain classes, or in study hall. I had people at my church who seemed to like me. But I lacked the friend that would text me all the time. The friend who really truly cared about my problems and wanted to help.

 

No, that was me. I was the friend who wanted to help, who would care, even if they didn't care about me.

 

Looking back now, I see that yes, some of them cared. But I show my caring differently than most and I suppose I wanted that in return. However when people didn't respond that way (Giving advice, praying, lots of hugs, being generally kind) I felt empty.

 

I felt alone.

 

For a long period of time my best friends were God, my mom, and myself.

 

During that time when I didn't have close friends I actually learned to love myself a lot.

 

The year of 2012 was one of my lowest years, confidence wise. I hated the way I looked. I hated that I didn't have any talents. I just hated me.

 

However, during this alone period God showed me so so so so so much about myself. I looked through his eyes. I saw how beautiful he made me. I saw how wonderful my personality is. I saw how the desires of my heart were so amazing. I fell in love with me.

 

Now, if you have never experienced something like this, I can understand how that might sound conceited. But when you go from the very bottom of self esteem to the top, it is a wonderful feeling. I did not get there by myself. I did not do anything to love myself like this.

 

God simply had the chance to show me who I am. Who he made me to be. It had nothing to do with me, but rather I was admiring his creation. The same way I would look at a puppy and go "that is the cutest thing ever, I adore it."

 

It probably won't make sense to a lot of you, but to me it changed my life forever.

 

All through the time this was happening, I was also crying almost daily, crying out to God. Telling him how lonely I was. I would literally lay on my bed, use my bible as a pillow, and cry for ten minutes straight.

 

I would pray while I cried, and being a visual person, I would make a list of the things God provided for me, or a list of things I loved about myself, or a list of random inspirations.

 

So you see, it wasn't all happiness and lollipops, this whole loving myself process. It was very painful. And hard. And honestly, it was kind of heartbreaking. I had tried so hard, so many times, only to fail each time.

 

I also grew so much closer to God in this time. He revealed so much to me, and I befriended him and talked to him. I have a relationship with him, now, that is so much better because of the trial.

 

I prayed so much, all the time, that God would give me friends who cared about me. Who could love me the way I loved me. Who could see what God saw in me.

 

Then, one day, he did. I had been invited to a sleepover by a girl at my school. She was always very kind to me, but she was a bit shy. To be honest, when I was searching my mind for who God might have for me to befriend I never even thought of her.

 

I really thought nothing of this sleepover. At certain points I didn't even want to go. I felt weird about it, but I wasn't sure why. I went anyway.

 

This was during the summer, when we arrived at her house, my sister and I. Although we were late (One of my biggest pet peeves) we were the first ones there.

 

We sat awkwardly in the girl's living room with nothing to say, whilst boiling out of our skin in the heat. Very awkward, not at all helpful start.

 

There were about 10 girls who came after us. We started with a few games, and had a water fight. Now, you can imagine, the bonding was happening.

 

When the time came to sleep we all brought our sleeping bags and pillows and got into a rather large tent in the backyard. We stayed up for a long time, just talking. Now comes another girl. Me, my sister, and a few girls talked for hours. I formed close bonds with a lot of them, however two were the strongest.

 

I was so pleased, at one point, that when I was in the bathroom I literally stared in the mirror for five minutes just glowing. I was thanking the Lord because I had made actual friends, who seemed to really care about me. Yet, at the same time I was a little hesitant to get too close, in fear I might mess up that friendship, too.

 

I didn't hang out with either of the two girls for a while, but I texted one of them the rest of the summer. Then school started up. Little did I know that both of the girls that I had befriended were in my photography class! We have lots of fun, talking and taking photos.

 

During the rest of the summer I went to youth camp with one of my closer"ish" friends. This camp was amazing. My close"ish" friend grew so much closer to God, which helped me grow so much closer to her. I made some new friends at camp, and it really blessed my life.

 

My close"ish" friend is now my best friend, and I love her and my other friends so much. I am so glad that God has helped me. He heard my prayer, and He answered. Sure, it seemed to take a long time, but the Lord has a plan. He sees and knows everything, and he has given good things to those who love him. (ME!) ;)

 

God guided me through the valley, and up the mountain.

 

Looking down on it, it was a weird time for me. But it changed me and molded me into who I am today, and I love who I am.

 

I am not saying that I am over this hill, and I will never have any other hardships because of it. No, what I am saying is because of this trial I am stronger, and better equipped to go through the next one. I know who to call on. I know who to cling to. And that is my Lord, my friend, my God, Jesus Christ.

 

So in conclusion, I want to tell you that if you love Jesus, and you continually pray, God will give you what you need. It is not always what you want, when you want, but it is what you need when you need it.

 

Psalm 34:10 Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

 

Psalm 33:15 He fashions their hearts individually: He considers all their works.

 

Isaiah 41:13 For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand and say to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'

 

Jeremiah 33:3 'Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.'

 

Jeremiah 29:11-12 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.

 

Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

 

 

 Love~Wishes~And~Puppy~Kisses~
                                    Nicole <3