Over the Mountain

I have had more friend troubles than anyone I know.

Now I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy, at all. But by the Lord's grace he has helped me.

I was down in the valley a long time, but the Lord helped me up the mountain.

I will not tell you all of my troubles, for that would take much too long. For now I will just give you a few examples.

 

I had these two friends a few years ago, they were sisters. Me and my sister would hang out with them all the time, we went to our co-op with them, we texted them, we just overall loved being with them.

 

Then, things went cold. I talked to them still, but they seemed to be blocking me out. Soon after we totally didn't talk. I didn't know what I did wrong, and I still don't. Perhaps I did nothing wrong, and they just got tired of me. I may never know.

 

But I am okay with that, because I know that God is my ultimate best friend ever. Since that time with those two girls I have had many friendships that didn't last for some reason or another. But none quite as bad as that.

 

For about a year and a half I had "friends" but not close friends. I had the people I talked with during certain classes, or in study hall. I had people at my church who seemed to like me. But I lacked the friend that would text me all the time. The friend who really truly cared about my problems and wanted to help.

 

No, that was me. I was the friend who wanted to help, who would care, even if they didn't care about me.

 

Looking back now, I see that yes, some of them cared. But I show my caring differently than most and I suppose I wanted that in return. However when people didn't respond that way (Giving advice, praying, lots of hugs, being generally kind) I felt empty.

 

I felt alone.

 

For a long period of time my best friends were God, my mom, and myself.

 

During that time when I didn't have close friends I actually learned to love myself a lot.

 

The year of 2012 was one of my lowest years, confidence wise. I hated the way I looked. I hated that I didn't have any talents. I just hated me.

 

However, during this alone period God showed me so so so so so much about myself. I looked through his eyes. I saw how beautiful he made me. I saw how wonderful my personality is. I saw how the desires of my heart were so amazing. I fell in love with me.

 

Now, if you have never experienced something like this, I can understand how that might sound conceited. But when you go from the very bottom of self esteem to the top, it is a wonderful feeling. I did not get there by myself. I did not do anything to love myself like this.

 

God simply had the chance to show me who I am. Who he made me to be. It had nothing to do with me, but rather I was admiring his creation. The same way I would look at a puppy and go "that is the cutest thing ever, I adore it."

 

It probably won't make sense to a lot of you, but to me it changed my life forever.

 

All through the time this was happening, I was also crying almost daily, crying out to God. Telling him how lonely I was. I would literally lay on my bed, use my bible as a pillow, and cry for ten minutes straight.

 

I would pray while I cried, and being a visual person, I would make a list of the things God provided for me, or a list of things I loved about myself, or a list of random inspirations.

 

So you see, it wasn't all happiness and lollipops, this whole loving myself process. It was very painful. And hard. And honestly, it was kind of heartbreaking. I had tried so hard, so many times, only to fail each time.

 

I also grew so much closer to God in this time. He revealed so much to me, and I befriended him and talked to him. I have a relationship with him, now, that is so much better because of the trial.

 

I prayed so much, all the time, that God would give me friends who cared about me. Who could love me the way I loved me. Who could see what God saw in me.

 

Then, one day, he did. I had been invited to a sleepover by a girl at my school. She was always very kind to me, but she was a bit shy. To be honest, when I was searching my mind for who God might have for me to befriend I never even thought of her.

 

I really thought nothing of this sleepover. At certain points I didn't even want to go. I felt weird about it, but I wasn't sure why. I went anyway.

 

This was during the summer, when we arrived at her house, my sister and I. Although we were late (One of my biggest pet peeves) we were the first ones there.

 

We sat awkwardly in the girl's living room with nothing to say, whilst boiling out of our skin in the heat. Very awkward, not at all helpful start.

 

There were about 10 girls who came after us. We started with a few games, and had a water fight. Now, you can imagine, the bonding was happening.

 

When the time came to sleep we all brought our sleeping bags and pillows and got into a rather large tent in the backyard. We stayed up for a long time, just talking. Now comes another girl. Me, my sister, and a few girls talked for hours. I formed close bonds with a lot of them, however two were the strongest.

 

I was so pleased, at one point, that when I was in the bathroom I literally stared in the mirror for five minutes just glowing. I was thanking the Lord because I had made actual friends, who seemed to really care about me. Yet, at the same time I was a little hesitant to get too close, in fear I might mess up that friendship, too.

 

I didn't hang out with either of the two girls for a while, but I texted one of them the rest of the summer. Then school started up. Little did I know that both of the girls that I had befriended were in my photography class! We have lots of fun, talking and taking photos.

 

During the rest of the summer I went to youth camp with one of my closer"ish" friends. This camp was amazing. My close"ish" friend grew so much closer to God, which helped me grow so much closer to her. I made some new friends at camp, and it really blessed my life.

 

My close"ish" friend is now my best friend, and I love her and my other friends so much. I am so glad that God has helped me. He heard my prayer, and He answered. Sure, it seemed to take a long time, but the Lord has a plan. He sees and knows everything, and he has given good things to those who love him. (ME!) ;)

 

God guided me through the valley, and up the mountain.

 

Looking down on it, it was a weird time for me. But it changed me and molded me into who I am today, and I love who I am.

 

I am not saying that I am over this hill, and I will never have any other hardships because of it. No, what I am saying is because of this trial I am stronger, and better equipped to go through the next one. I know who to call on. I know who to cling to. And that is my Lord, my friend, my God, Jesus Christ.

 

So in conclusion, I want to tell you that if you love Jesus, and you continually pray, God will give you what you need. It is not always what you want, when you want, but it is what you need when you need it.

 

Psalm 34:10 Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

 

Psalm 33:15 He fashions their hearts individually: He considers all their works.

 

Isaiah 41:13 For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand and say to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'

 

Jeremiah 33:3 'Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.'

 

Jeremiah 29:11-12 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.

 

Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

 

 

 Love~Wishes~And~Puppy~Kisses~
                                    Nicole <3

 

Adventure? Maybe not.

Lately I have been in a very adventurous mood. The type of mood that can only be induced by cold weather, Pinterest bucket lists, and being cooped up in the house due to mild sickness. The kind of mood that makes you want to do a four hour photo shoot with your friends, or go on a hike to Niagara falls, or ride in a hot air balloon, or shop at the mall while your favorite music plays in the background like a cool music video. 

 

Unfortunately, this is the real world and it is a little harder to conjure up an inexpensive, last minute adventure. So this morning, while I was babysitting I decided to begin my adventure for the day. The baby, Brooklynn, had a rough morning and had not gotten her nap. I knew that a walk in her stroller would knock her right out, and I was craving a warm, Christmas-y peppermint mocha. 

 

Thus began the planning of my wonderful adventure. As I thought more about it I started to picture myself with my warm gloves and coat, enjoying a sunny yet crisp afternoon walk to the coffee stand a block away from my house. I would be listening to my music, and I would be happy, and stylish, and I would be having a good time. 

 

That is NOT  what I got.

 

As I first left my house, all bundled up and listening to my cheery Christmas music I felt on top of the world. I was getting out of the house. I was on an adventure. I was a confident young lady. And though I am not even five feet tall, I felt big. I felt like things were right in the world.

 

At leas the first eight minutes of my walk were nice.

 

You see, the trek from my house to the coffee stand is interesting. First you go from the sweet little street where everything is fine. Then you turn the corner to the road. There is only a sidewalk on one side of the street, and sadly, that is not the side I wanted to be on. So it was the shoulder of the street for me.

 

As I walked down the shoulder I steered the little stroller in front of bushes, through garbage cans, and made sure I was behind the line. It was like a maze. And with For King and Country playing in my ears, cheering me on, I could do it. I was tall, I was confident, I was on top of the world.

 

Then it gets a little harder.

 

You come up to "Dog poop corner" this is what we have labeled the corner of the road filled with gravel, puddles, dog poop, and items that have been dumped despite the "No Dumping" sign.

 

Okay, maybe it is not AS bad as whatever you are picturing right now, but it is pretty bad. As I charged Brookie and the stroller through Dog poop corner I started going over what I would say to the kind barista who awaited this naïve teenage girl.

I'd like a tall peppermint mocha with whip cream, please and thank you.

I'd like a tall peppermint mocha with whip cream, please and thank you.

I'd like a tall peppermint mocha with whip cream, please and thank you.

 

Yes. I probably sound like a dork. But don't go judging me, I know you've done this too.

The only thing is, when you talk in your mind you sound a lot more.... well, what is the word? Better.

I murdered my sentence. I still have no idea what I really got. Although, that may be due to the fact that I burned my tongue on the first sip and couldn't taste it for a while. Anyhow, after awkwardly ordering my drink the purple haired barista with the cute cardigan started making my drink.

 

The sad thing about going to a coffee stand with only one barista is you have to do something. You see, when you are standing there, doing nothing, and she is making your coffee, it is pretty quiet. And immensely awkward. I am ashamed to admit I may have pretended to be playing with the baby, who by the way, was fast asleep....

 

Once my drink was ready I thanked the barista, gave a small tip, and gave her a farewell "God bless," as I headed off. To be honest, she looked completely shocked when I said that. But I was too mortified to do anything but hightail it out of there. The only problem is that no one ever tells you the trouble of driving a stroller with hot coffee in your hand.

 

It. Is. Impossible.

 

I am serious, don't even try.

 

Before I took my walk, I thought "Oh that might be a problem." but I guess I ignored it due to the fact that I REALLY WANTED COFFEE. And adventures.

 

So, I tried to steer the stroller with one hand. I figured that would work. I have strong arms. It should work. Right? Wrong. Dead wrong.

 

The stroller had a mind of it's own. It decided to head for the ditch. Yes, brilliant idea, Mr. Stroller, please go kill yourself. It would've saved me a lot of trouble. Unfortunately, the baby was still in the stroller, so that was not an option. Instead I would have to put my other hand, which held the coffee, on the handle.

 

Bad idea, Nicole. The coffee slowly, drip by drip, MANICALLY FLEW OUT OF THE TINY HOLE IN THE TOP.

 

Then came the devil gravel of dog poop corner. Devil gravel, I tell you.

 

After completely soaked gloves, a burned tongue, frozen body parts, and an adventure gone wrong, I entered my home in a huff. I stripped of my hot coat and coffee soaked gloves and walked very quickly to my room. I may or may not recall growling something at Sarah, my sister when she asked how my walk went.

 

However my sweet mother took care of the baby, the gloves, and my coffee. After a while she came to check on me.

 

I reassured her that I would be okay, and told her that I was going to start a blog.

 

You see, my friends, I have discovered that writing a blog was A) Doing something on my bucket list, B) An adventure, and C) Therapy from my disastrous coffee/stroller walk.

 

Looking back, I could have handled it better. I could have stopped, sat down on the side of the road, finished my coffee, and prayed. Sadly, that is not how I handled things; I must say I am unhappy with how I handled things. But oh well. Maybe next week I will try again. (Or not.)

 

Jeremiah 29:11-12 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me and I will listen to you."

 

So, dear friends, don't make the same mistakes I did. When you are caught in a difficult situation sit down, breathe, sip your coffee, and simply talk it out with God. And for goodness sakes don't drink coffee while pushing a stroller.

 

Love~Wishes~And~Puppy~Kisses

 

Nicole <3

First things First.

Hello, I am Nicole. I am going to tell you a little about myself before I begin posting to this blog.

I am a teenager, who is madly and deeply in love. Now, before you run away from here, expecting a hormonal geek fangirling over 1Direction or a boy at school, let me tell you about the one I love.

His name is Jesus Christ and 2000 years ago he came from Heaven to Earth all to save me from the grave. His love is never ending, unfailing, and unconditional. Now, as a regular church-goer when I hear things like that I sometimes skip over them. After all I have heard them a million times. But I shouldn't. You know why? Because it is immensely important. Never ending love? It never runs out. It goes on for all of eternity. Unfailing love? It doesn't need to reload like a page on your computer. It doesn't simply go wrong every now and then. Unconditional love? NO MATTER WHAT I DO, IT DOESN'T STOP. Think about that.

I have a wonderful family. A mother, who cleans, cooks, teaches, drives, and still has a life. She is kind, and wonderful, and the reason I am who I am. She is always there for me when I need her, and she is just so lovely I don't know what I would do without her.

I have a father, who works very hard, day and night to provide for my family. His hours are tough and his work stretches him thin, yet he carries on, keeps going, to take care of us. He is the man of the house, and I respect him. (I respect my mother, too.)

I have a twin sister, with whom I have grown close to over the years of child hood. We have many memories and inside jokes. She is not the type to express her feelings verbally, but I am. I love her, and I am not afraid to remind her of this often. No matter how many times she mumbles when I tell her.

I have a dog, who is a Maltese/Chihuahua mix. She is the cutest little thing, she is kind and loves to snuggle. She guards our house with her little yips and squeaks and yelps.

I have two cats, a mother and son combo. The mother is gray with dapples of white and black. She is a manx, which means she was born without a tail. She hunts like it is no ones business and enjoys bringing us her 'presents'.

The son is a buff colored lard ball. He reminds my family of the generic 30 year old video game nerd who lives in his mother's basement. But we love him anyway. He has a half tail because his father had a whole tail but his mother had none. It makes him unique.

This, my friends, is my family. And I thank God all the time for putting me with them, because they put up with me everyday and they love me.

I also have a few hobbies. I like to sing and write songs. I started this when I was around nine years old. I am homeschooled, and had a note book for studying botany. However, being like any child in school I avoided doing my actual schoolwork. Thus began my first song book. I must be honest and tell you, some *clears throat* well most of the songs in there are horrendous. However, the more I write the better I get. I cannot read music, so I only write the lyrics and I just remember the tune in my mind or I record it on my phone.

I also like to do photography. I got my love for taking photos about a year ago when the neighbor kids came over with a professional dslr camera. I was only able to take a few pictures on it before they took it back, but since then I was hooked. I received my Nikon soon after begging for a while, on Christmas day, 2013. Since then I have been in two photography classes, including the one I am still in. Check out my photography blog at weirdowithacamera.BlogSpot.com .

I also enjoy being lazy, spending my time on Netflix and Instagram while stuffing my face with chocolate and Cheetos. Okay, I may not be obsessed with 1Direction, but I am still a teenager.

I have some close friends, including my very best friend, with whom I have many memories and stories. I love her very much and I enjoy growing up with her. It is fun to see how we both develop in Christ.

I also have many blossoming friendships with people who I already love so very much.

I am a bit of a weirdo, but I am me and I love me, so I am okay with it.

I have wanted to start a blog for a while, so I guess now I have. I am looking forward to it! So I guess that is all for now. Thanks for letting me try out the wonderful world of the web.

 I suppose that is all for right this moment, but I will be back soon :)

Love~Wishes~And~Puppy~Kisses

Nicole <3